Desert Rose
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: Inspired by You Don't Mess with the Zohan, this story takes a look at Zohan's life before he became Mossad and how he was able to win the heart of the fair Dahlia.


Desert Rose

Synopsis: Taking during the course of "YDMWTZ" (you don't mess with the Zohan), and afterwards, an old foe of Zohan's, 'Scorpion', rears his ugly head again. Apparently, he knows exactly where his cousin Liat lives and wants to hold her and her family for ransom just to have the Zohan right where he wants him. Of course, it is possible Scorpion has ties with Phantom. If that is true, how will this effect his new friendship with his possible best-man and will this hurt the relationship he has built up with Dahlia ?

Chapter 1--Becoming Mossad

There was quite a ruckus in the Dvir household. Mrs. Dvir was expecting, and her water had just broken.

"Yakov, quick ! You have to get me to a hospital !", she said, getting frantic.

"Yes, Muriel ! Hold your horses, damn it !", Yakov said in a bit of a panic as he pulled his trousers on, quickly zipped them and gathered Muriel up into his arms.

"Hang in there, honey…I'll get you there as soon as I can.", Yakov said, stroking her face and kissing her gently on her forehead. Despite the fact that Yakov felt that the world was spinning out of his control, his instinct took over. He became calm, cool and collected, driving Muriel to the nearest hospital while she yelled curses in Hebrew at everyone, even the doctors.

"I swear Yakov Dvir, I will break your pretzel the next time you want to schtup me.", Muriel screamed as the doctors wheeled her into the delivery room and her contractions became more frequent.

"My dear, I won't leave you. Curse at me all you want but I love you. I will always love you whatever happens.", Yakov said as he had his hand squeezed tightly and the nurse gave her instruction to push. With one big exerted effort, a baby boy came into the world. Strangely, he didn't even cry, but instead, seemed rather quiet. He had his eyes open, and was actually _smiling_.

"Give him here !", Muriel said, gathering him into her arms. The little boy cooed and gurgled. He laughed when he saw his dad's silly faces.

"I think we should name him Zohan after daddy.", Yakov suggested.

"That is a perfect name for the little one. And so masculine, it fits his confident aura.", Muriel said as Zohan begged to be fed by her. He suckled tenderly at her breasts and instantly calmed down. They knew in a few days, Zohan would be circumcised and brought into their circle of faith. Already they could tell he was going to be a good Jewish boy, but there was something different about him. They weren't certain as to what it was, though.

As Zohan grew, often he would visit Liat, his cousin, in Tel Aviv. She had a magnificent life and always held "Uncle Zohan" in the highest regard. The two of them were best friends and she practically worshipped him whenever he came around to see her. But their fun and games came to a quick end when Zohan was faced with a very serious decision. He was soon to be a man and his parents had noticed his senses were more developed than a 'normal child'. He seemed to run faster, lift heavier objects, have greater stamina and read people quite well even at his age. It would've taken someone a few days to know what someone was like, but his favorite parlor game was telling people exactly where they were from and what they did by their accent, their scent and what they wore. 99.9 % of the time, he was correct. Men in suits who had been observing him closely, especially at this bar-mitzva party, wanted Zohan to work for them. He could be shaped and molded into the perfect assassin in no time. But Zohan really didn't want to become an assassin. He wanted to lead a normal life. What his mom and dad didn't know was he wanted, in his secret heart of hearts, to become a hairdresser. Such thoughts would damage his 'macho' persona, so he kept that in tact.

"Mr. Dvir, we would like to speak with you.", one of the rather dapper shaded men said, his expression stoic. Zohan was enjoying a fizzy bubbler and some matzo crackers dipped in hummus, seriously not wanting to be disturbed.

"Why ? I'm having a good time here, and I was able to see my beloved cousin Liat again. How she has grown…more and more she's a lovely rose, blooming for all to see. There are so many schmucks fighting over her though. I wish one guy would have the chutzpah to just _propose _to her.", Zohan said, knowing that one day, Liat would be married to a very lucky man and the two would have a blessed life, but being so beautiful could be a curse to her sometimes.

"What if we said it was a matter of the stability of mother Israel ?", the other debonair man inquired. Zohan pondered the weight of this question and what sort of burden it entailed. He knew who these people were. They were Mossad, trained assassins for the Israeli government. They couldn't tell much of what they did or how they did it, they were shadows living among a country of people simply trying to live normal lives. He looked at his mom and dad who were dancing with each other, and saw their warm, affectionate smiles. He saw his best Muslim friend, Salim enjoying his time with the crowd. He thought,

"If I become Mossad, I will be Salim's enemy. I don't want that kind of crisis in my life. I have known Mohammed since I was only a boy !"

Zohan caught his breath for a bit. He felt a bit angered by their inquiry. In a way, they had tricked him into saying yes, and it made him _hate_ them.

"I will join for mother Israel.", Zohan stated, biting the inside of his lip to keep from screaming.

"Good, Mr. Dvir. We will inform your parents at once. Get packed. We leave for training at dawn.", the second man in the suit stated, bluntly. Zohan had only so much time to say goodbye to those he loved and he vowed he would do his best to keep in contact with them but there was only so much contact one could have as a Mossad agent. Once you were Mossad, you were a phantom.

Chapter 2--Before Coming to New York

Day in and day out, Zohan's natural abilities were brought out more to the forefront. He became stronger, faster and could dodge bullets with grace and ease. Nothing seemed to harm him, and his emotional side seemed to be all but gone until he noticed a rather attractive woman in his ranks. Her name was Hanna, and there wasn't anything that he wanted more than to make love to her.

Hanna was practicing shooting targets on the range as she often did before a mission. Ears shielded from nose and wearing a visor, she was completely focused on the task at hand. She didn't hear or see Zohan's advances. But he wouldn't give up. As soon as she was finished he leaned over and whispered to her,

"I see you're good with a gun."

She caught onto his double entendre.

"Yes and I imagine you want me to show you how good I can be with one. Zohan, I don't want to burst your bubble but I am engaged.", Hanna said, honestly. Zohan felt his heart sink within his chest.

"I should've known a stunning gem like yourself would already be accompanied by an equally radiant jewel.", Zohan said, sadly. He felt as if he would cry.

"Don't feel bad, my friend.", she said, wrapping her arm around him. Momentarily, his depression eased when he took in her floral fragrance. She smelled like a veritable flower garden.

"I hope I can come to your wedding. I don't know, though…My missions take me to places I never thought I'd be seeing.", Zohan said as he basked in Hanna's embrace for what seemed to be eternity. The warmth around him felt so pure and serene, he never wanted it to end. Zohan did get to see her married, but inwardly, his heart felt numb and cold. It was doubtful he'd feel any love for anything again. That is, until he was given a present for Hanukah he never expected.

Zohan was still a young man, and he never wanted for much in his life. He had many friends who worked along with him, and those who were with him in spirit. One night, while everyone was celebrating Hanukah, he was sitting at the cantina, and the sergeant had brought in gifts from everyone's families. Of course, Zohan was showered with presents, which wasn't part of the tradition, but he was the "golden boy". Everyone expected it. He then received a present from a friend he hadn't heard from in a while.

"Samir sent me something…", he said, recognizing the Arabic on the side. All the other packages had been written in Hebrew. It had been checked before, so nothing was suspicious about it. Inside was a rather dated stylist book. The cover read "Paul Mitchell". Samir had remembered Zohan mentioning his dream to him. Zohan grinned ear to ear.

"I now know what I must do. I must find a way to go to New York and follow my aspiration.", he said. His friends were a bit saddened he wanted to leave them like that when his career as a Mossad was going along tremendously. He was the highest marked agent in his field and the most dangerous man known to any opposing terrorist organizations. They didn't want to mess with him, because after all, he was indestructible.

Chapter 3--Love Hurts

In order to make his dream come true, Zohan had to fake his death, but before that, he had accidentally made an enemy with Samir. He didn't mean to insult him, but Samir shouted,

"I don't even know who you are anymore ! You're insane ! I hope you go to hell !", he said, flipping him off.

"I'm already _in _Hell, Samir !", Zohan said. Apparently, they had gotten into an argument over a goat Samir had, and it was his only companion while Zohan had been away (and Samir never knew where he had gone to, only that Zohan had kept communication open in writing).

"Who needs you !", Samir shouted, through tears after the dust storm came. Once the dust was gone, Zohan was gone. Samir vowed he'd get his goat back at whatever costs necessary. From then on, he was a terrorist and he wanted to find Zohan. He would locate him one way or another. He wasn't dumb by any means.

By the time Zohan had started his new life in New York, he had come to know Dahlia. To compensate for Dahlia avoiding his advances, he had started having sex with all of his female clients, but it simply didn't satisfy him. He could tell on some level she was interested in him, unlike his old flame, Hanna. However, she made things difficult. After discovering that Phantom was her _brother_, that made life all the more challenging. But, through uniting with Phantom and becoming his friend, matters began to iron out quite a bit, or so Zohan thought.

Chapter 4--Oh, Snag !

After continuously trying to woo Dahlia, she finally fell for Zohan's suave ways. He had to admit not having sex with other women had begun to drive him mad secretly, but he knew he was doing the right thing. He'd have plenty of time to make up for "time lost" later with Dahlia and unlike with the women he had been giving quickies to in the salon, Dahlia was to be treated with the utmost care and passion. She was different than any other woman he ever knew or any other woman he'd ever come to know.

She was the jewel in his crown and made his life worthwhile.

Soon after the joyous wedding of Zohan and Dahlia, Samir had made another appearance. Again, he had thanked Zohan for taking care of his precious goat and was more than pleased his quadruped companion. He congratulated the couple and had great news for them.

"I met the most incredible girl. Her name's Padua. We've been dating for quite a while, and I think she might just be the woman of my dreams, Zohan.", Samir said, showing off Padua. Padua wasn't dressed like typical Muslim girls. Her face was uncovered and she was allowed to show off her hair and even her arms and legs. The Israeli men in the room were really giving her the once-over.

"Congratulations. You deserve it. And to you, he'll make a great companion someday.", Dahlia said, beaming. Again, he looked at her and blushed for the first time in a long time. He never thought seeing a woman in a wedding dress would make him feel so elated or euphoric. He thought he was experiencing a marvelous reverie and prayed it would never end, and it only got better from there.

Zohan had enough money to take Dahlia on her dream honeymoon to Vegas in the States. She had never been and she had always wanted to go since she had seen so many movies about it, and secretly she had wondered how much of it was true. Strangely, most of what she had seen in over-glamorized Hollywood media was fact, but she wouldn't have wanted to see it in any other way. Vegas was a world all of its own; a veritable playground to natives and foreigners alike.

After spending hours gambling and winning quite a bit of money, Zohan sent some of the money to his parents, as well as a bit of money to his friend Phantom and Samir. The rest of it would be put in a fund for his kids and the 401 K that he and Dahlia had signed up for.

Even though it was near morning, Zohan still wasn't done living up the exceptional night he and Dahlia had experienced. He took her by the waist and slow danced with her, nibbling her neck seductively. Dahlia sighed pleasantly as he unzipped her dress and she unbuttoned his shirt. His touch teased her and tickled her, as hers sent electric pulses through his skin. Gently he took her chin into his hands and led her lips to hers, as they undressed in a flurry.

"I'm am the predator, and you are the prey my dear !", Dahlia said, beginning to chase him playfully. She forcefully flipped him over and landed him on the bed, sitting on his chest. She kissed his neck lovingly again and purred contently.

"I think we're both similar in that regard, honey.", Zohan said as they tumbled in bed, making love into the afternoon. Thankfully the walls in their hotel were padded so no one could hear and by the time they experienced ecstasy for the umpteenth time, they curled up together in each other's arms.

"That was astronomical.", Dahlia said, breathlessly. Zohan had never felt passion so explosive before with any other women in his life.

"Yes. It was indeed. I love you so much, my Dahlia.", Zohan said, catching his breath and allowing his head to rest upon Dahlia's petal-soft breasts. She stroked his hair tenderly, snuggling by his side until later on that night when the two were so hungry they decided to eat out rather than staying inside having sex (which wouldn't have been a bad choice for either of them as far as they were concerned).

That evening, while Dahlia and Zohan were out savoring a fine meal, he received a call over his cell phone.

"At last I have found you, Dvir.", a low, feral voice growled.

"Who is it ?", Dahlia questioned, thinking it was probably his mom and dad checking up on him.

"It's _Scorpion_.", Zohan sneered, looking as if he wanted to smash his cell phone with his bare hands.

"Scorpion ? Oh, no.", Dahila retorted in a hurt tone. She bit her lip and did her best to keep herself from crying. Seeing the cell phone was instead a bomb, he threw it over his shoulder and tossed himself onto Dahlia to protect her from the blast.

"You look concerned. Don't worry. Even if Scorpion _has _found me, I will deal with him…as only I know how.", Zohan said, stroking her hair and bringing her chin into his hands. He stole a kiss from her, which left her drunk for a moment.

"I didn't want to tell you this, but Phantom knows Scorpion. They're connected.", Dahlia said, unable to look at him directly in the eyes. He became infuriated then. Had Phantom been putting up a friendly act thus far just to throw him off of the possibility other Al Quaida agents could be in motion looking to kill him ? He could barely think straight about being betrayed so horribly. This had also made a snag in his relationship with Dahlia, and he was just beginning to enjoy married life with her. He took his hands into his and looked at her fiercely, keeping himself as calm as possible for fear his rage would overtake him.

"Do not leave here. More than likely, your own brother would not want to risk your hide in this little game of chess he wants me to play. I am sorry but I must engage Scorpion alone. Promise me you will not go anywhere until we meet again.", Zohan said, squeezing her hands.

"You have my word, lover.", she said, kissing him even though he didn't want to be kissed at that moment. Turning from the café, he ran into the foray and outside of the casino. There a man in black Arabic attire awaited him, scimitars in hand.

Chapter 5--Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Scorpion wielded the scimitars skillfully, nearly slicing Zohan's handsome face, but he continued to dodge them.

"I have the sneaking suspicion you aren't working alone and this is more than what you make of it, Scorpion.", Zohan growled.

"Actually…", Scorpion sneered sardonically through his veil, suddenly pinning Zohan to the ground facing a blade between his eyes,

"I do." Zohan then threw sand into Scorpion's eyes and kicked him, sending him flying into the ocean. He then yanked Scorpion up by his collar and shook him.

"What are you HIDING ?!", he screamed.

"If you don't cooperate with me and my brothers, I will hold Liat and her family indeterminately.", Scorpion said. Zohan burned with such hatred for Scorpion he wished he had a gun to blow his brains out just then.

"What do you want me to do, exactly ?", Zohan questioned. Strangely enough Scorpion didn't want to kill him, but merely torture him.

"I will call my brothers here, they will take you to an undisclosed place. For a time, you will be tortured, but I will tell my informants I have killed the Zohan. Don't worry about the details. There are plenty of dead bodies in dumps that resemble yours…", Scorpion said, in a non-chalant manner that only made Zohan more infuriated. But he managed to stay calm and stoic as usual. He couldn't allow his ire to build up. In his heart, though he felt utterly betrayed by his best friend, and even worst, his _best man_.

Some poor corpse had been found to take Zohan's place, but much to his surprise he _wasn't _tortured as Scorpion said he would be. Apparently, Phantom had a few words with him and his heart and mind were changed.

"Since you Phantom's brother, I cannot possibly harm you. You're _lucky_. If you weren't tied to him, you would be getting a manicure…the hard way.", Scorpion said as he walked out of the room Zohan was being held in (which was actually quite pleasant) and Phantom met him.

"I know you loathe me at this point and I don't blame you. I loathe myself for this.

When I had gone to your wedding, your cousin was there. I happened to get all the information I wanted from her then, and they paid me in cash there to guarentee neither one of us would be harming you. They know it's a set-up.", Phantom said. Zohan could gather Phantom was playing both sides until he knew that Zohan would be safe. Scorpion, his 'brother' was being used as a pawn to keep Al Qaeda thinking that the fatwa against Zohan had been honored. All of it was ludicrous, and Zohan wished it would end. But he knew, such thinking was purposeless and non-productive.

Zohan's week of captivity ended with him making amends with Scorpion and Phantom. In fact, Scorpion went on his own path, promising not to get involved with Phantom or Zohan ever again.

"You can count on his word. I know he is simply a piece in the puzzle of this war, but somehow he'll make certain we're in no harm. He's very resourceful.", Phantom reassured him. Zohan was slightly confused, but he felt he could rest assured in his friend's words. Just to make certain, he called Liat and asked how she was doing.

"I actually was hoping you'd call. You'll never believe what I'm going to do, Zohan !", she said, excitedly. She told him about Yaniv, a very sweet man she had been dating for a while. He was her perfect match, intellectually and in likes and dislikes as well.

"Yaniv and I are getting married in the spring and we wanted to invite you and Dahlia to the wedding.", she said, nearly breathlessly.

"Oh, that Yaniv is a lucky guy.", Zohan congratulated her.

"Please let lovely Dahlia know, I miss her and I miss you. I love you so much, and Yahweh be with you and bless you always, dear cousin.", Liat said, kissing him over the phone. Her voice carried blessing with it, and he could feel it even from the distance over the phone. Matters were definitely looking less gray for him now. The sun was shining and he could feel the wind caress him. All that was on his mind was seeing Dahlia and making up for time lost.

Chapter 6--Celebration

As per Zohan's request, Dahlia didn't move from the 5-star hotel she was staying in. That night, the two left for Israel and returned home, greeted by family and friends. Strangely, Phantom had followed him home but Scorpion was no place to be seen. He probably returned to the desert with 'evidence' in hand that 'The Zohan' was no longer an issue and he was to be rewarded for his efforts of killing him.

The wedding was a joyous occasion, held outdoors in perfect weather next to the sea. Liat's husband was dashing as a groom and she was stunning as a bride. She seemed to have an otherworldly glow about her.

"Way to go, Liat ! Mazeltov !", he shouted as everyone danced, drank and sang. It was the bash to end all bashes, and Liat always knew how to throw parties. If anyone wanted to meet and greet or rub shoulders with the semi-elite, this is where they would congregate. He had seen her happy before but never like this. There was a serenity in her smile, and calm assurance in her words. She had hope and promise of the days ahead in her life. Zohan then was caught off guard by Dahlia, who reminded him, this is the same way he felt in being married to her.

When the crowd had parted, Zohan and Dahlia gave congratulations to the ecstatic couple before they left to enjoy a tropical getaway for their honeymoon. As soon as they were gone, Dahlia practically launched herself at Zohan and kissed him madly.

"You act as if I was never going to return !", Zohan said between kisses chuckling a bit, and reciprocating with fiery kisses and caresses of his own.

"Yes. I was worried. I feared you might be tortured or worse.", Dahlia said. Zohan held her close to him, stroking her hair affectionately.

"There was talk of that, but it never happened. You were what saved me.", Zohan said, kissing her forehead and planting little nibbles on her neck, which made her sigh rhapsodically.

"Mmm…What do you mean by that, love ?", Dahlia said, becoming drunk on Zohan's nibbles.

"Scorpion had said if I hadn't been married to you, my punishment would've been severe. He was ordered to have me executed in place of Liat and her family. He couldn't go through with it though, thank heaven.", Zohan said, as he undressed Dahlia in the sand and traced her curves with his fingers. She rolled on top of him, unbuttoning his shirt and stroking his chest. Just feeling his soft body was enough to please her, but she had missed making love to him.

"Thank heaven indeed, my darling.", she said as they continued their romantic interlude on the shore until the wee hours of the morning.

Epilogue 

Around the same time Zohan heard that his beloved cousin Liat was pregnant with twins, Dahlia announced she was also pregnant. He couldn't believe the words he had heard. He was fulfilled in his work as a stylist and didn't have to look over his shoulders every 5 seconds to watch his back. Yet, he knew that he'd always have to be cautious, especially since he had a little one to protect.

Liat's twins, Tabitha and Thomas were born approximately 5 hours prior to Zohan's son, Yakov Eli coming into the world. Tabby and Tommy were born in the wee hours and humorously enough, the two mothers had been taken to the same hospital to give birth and they had been honored to be in the same hospital together, giving each other support. They even celebrated in tandem.

"I couldn't have asked for a more blessed occasion, and knowing my Aunt Dahlia has a son of her own brings tears to my eyes.", Liat said as she and Dahlia walked out of the hospital with their children in arms. Liat had Tommy in her arms and Yaniv was nuzzling Tabby playfully with his nose, giggling in response to her coos.

As the couples went their different ways, they returned to unique lives. Liat and Yaniv remained in Tel Aviv, but kept their connections open with Zohan and Dahlia. It seemed the little ones were growing bigger day by day. Zohan could say the same about little Yakov, who was intensely curious and had an insatiable desire to get into anything and everything. He really had to be watched, for fear he might get hurt, but like Zohan, Yakov Eli had a very hard head and not much deterred him from getting into mischief.

Holidays kept the families close together and times couldn't have been better for either family. Phantom had returned to his shoe business under a different name and Scorpion, well, no one knew where he was but it was thought that he was safe wherever he was. Something told Zohan he had nothing more to worry about. His paper trail as 'the Zohan' had been erased thanks to Scorpion's doing and so long as no one was looking for him Zohan could rest easy and start living a semi-normal life.

Zohan still had killer instincts when it came to taking care of his child and making sure his family was comfortable financially. Recently, the Dvir family had reunited on the coast of Israel for a family getaway near the beach. It felt superb to get away from the chaos of their everyday lives for a moment. Yakov played with his namesake as well as Tabby and Tommy. The three children got along stupendously, seeing each other as siblings rather than cousins. It did Zohan's heart good to hear all of them laughing and having something to chuckle at himself. Yakov always made him laugh with his clever sense of humor and that dazzling smile of his. He was now seven, going to school and learning something new every day. It seemed like it was only yesterday when he was walking and talking and exploring the world. He seemed to have a steady head on his shoulder and had a great desire to want to help others. He often played doctor with Tabitha and Tommy, who were happy to act as his patients. Dahlia and Zohan supported him no matter what decision he made in life, but they knew he was destined for greatness.

After a thorough meal on the beach and more time playing in the surf, the families had to depart again for their busy lives.

"Next year in Jerusalem.", Liat said, being funny. Zohan had to laugh at her quirky sense of humor.

"Of course, dear Liat. We'll keep that destination in mind.", Dahila said, hugging her close and saying their farewells for the time being. The kids didn't want to see little Yakov go back to America, but they knew one day they'd be seeing New York some day during New Years', since poppa had promised them he'd take them when he wasn't so busy with work. That day would come, and they would have a joyous reunion again. For now, they were simply happy to have the closeness that they did and kept in touch beyond the distance that separated them. Life couldn't have been better for either of them and they couldn't have asked for anything else.

The End


End file.
